Quotes of Note - Love Matters

Joni Mitchell knows a thing or two about about two making one

I write a lot about love and seeing Joni Mitchell perform at The 2024 Grammy’s recently reminded me of older journal posts, older loves, and friends from long ago. There are so many singers and songwriters from my youth who left indelible marks on the musical side of my brain and in matters of heart that it doesn’t take much to tumble me back into more youthful days where the focus was usually on love or war. That her first performance appearance at the Grammy’s was a lifetime in coming brought up so many thoughts on time spent aging and life’s illusions that we do recall. She shared other thoughts on deeper love in an older article I recalled and was able to find it.

On monogamy - Joni Mitchell offers the following:

“I don’t know if I’ve learned anything yet! I did learn how to have a happy home, but I consider myself fortunate in that regard because I could’ve rolled right by it. Everybody has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesn’t place much value on depth — we don’t have shamans or soothsayers, and depth isn’t encouraged or understood. Surrounded by this shallow, glossy society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to fluff. That’s reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an addiction to romance based on insecurity — the uncertainty of whether or not you’re truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush people get hooked on. I’ve seen this pattern so much in myself and my friends and some people never get off that line.

But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: “If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.” What happens when your date has run all your best moves and tells all your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.

You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.” ~ Joni Mitchell

I included the link to the old Esquire article she refers to as well as that is a wonderful archive if you haven’t checked it out. The titles of some of the articles are priceless and could easily be writing prompts or poem titles as well.

Somewhere in my journals are bits of writing on the end of sex or the end of love or the end of the beginning or beginning of the beginning and, of course, that period when Kegel exercises were all the rage. One of my oldest friends, Jan from Laguna Beach, (she’s so old she was actually friends with Phyliss Diller) was actually a love consultant or something like that at one time and part of her line of items were these little Kegel weights. But love’s definitely the “thing’ so much poetry is about, and all I’m saying about that is don’t ever underestimate what older California women are up to! Napa wines and older women keep no secrets it seems in the valley of flavorful reds.

But I digress. Keeping it real in the twenty-first century. Taylor

As an aside, I just recalled Jan’s dating advice during my “cougar” years - “Don’t wear a wedding dress on the first date!” And speaking of firsts again, the “Photo” poem is about the first of my true loves. We were supposed to be nursing home buddies as I was certain it would take a lifetime to understand him fully. Collage is my very first love in the visual arts and many of my poems are sold as collage. This one has been a favorite for years. His photo is included on the back.